Please be courteous while you simulate a literal war for territorial dominance.

If food stays on the floor for more than five seconds, it means your dog’s getting old.

If action movies have taught me anything about car thieves, they can drive it better than you and also jump it over buildings and into military aircraft.

As usual, I get chosen last. Me and the fat kid with the unibrow.

Well there is a QB that was released in New England looking for work.

“Hoho! Hey Donald, watch me slice this bitch like butter!”

I dunno man. Are you certain that wasnt actually just a part of the boss fight?

Was it just the one time or was it a dual shock?

They’re as blind to hypocrisy and irony as they are to facts and reality.

jesus christ you kids BREAK IN

No one in Mississippi has ever seen the Æ character before. 

Giant robots? Nice!

Nacho Fries just need to be permanent, please.

Yeah, chips and salsa sounds like complete bullshit.

“It is quite comical to see such a deadly and scary enemy reduced to a bumbling idiot. He keeps falling for the same trick, over and over.”

Can you imagine being the franchise owner seeing this much disrespect and waste in your store? I’d fire everyone on the spot, then I’d surreptitiously hire their family members just so I could fire THEM as well.

all I want to do is see Elizabeth Warren crush Bernie Sanders

Lots of coalitions in space have a north.

As an EVE player, I’m not sure I understand this. Are one of the coffees poisoned? Is it a distraction to steal the other persons car keys?