Feathers help bird wings generate lift, so it only follows that because of their smooth flippers these Pinguines are forced to slide around on the ice.

Interviewer: Watch out for red bumps!

"Don't look at us."

Regarding the debutante headshots, I'm not sure you can rely on those to judge attractiveness. Remember John Kennedy, people said he was a good-looking guy but he had the worst headshot ever.

[never mind]

Catlike Bear Seals Mammoth Contract; Lion's Share of Bucks Guaranteed

Actually he's mocking the US's obesity problem. "You fat Americans, with your giant sandwiches, that take two hands to carry. Ha ha, fatty fat fat!"

The high stakes of the playoffs could take the anger and frustration of a regular-season bad call and double it, or maybe even increase it by three times.

Zeller's logic here was a little Fuzzy.

Watching the Cowboys fail is just like Paul Walker, in that neither will ever grow old.

His 1100 SAT could have gotten him a full ride anywhere.

"The three years we didn't have a team at all were bliss in comparison. I guess I probably owe Art Modell an apology, but some effigies can't be un-burned."

Worst Black Monday since October 24, 2005.

♫ Rice O-Liney, the unsportsmanlike conduct treat! ♪

Girls Basketball Game Turns Ugly With Some Help From The Referee Tossing The Opening Jump Ball

Oh sure, and when I toss MY package at work all I get is....oh, right.

UFC: Where cauliflower isn't just for ears anymore.

Post-match presser: "You've played in eight games this season. Are you going to stop these gestures at any point?"
"Nein."

Also doing poorly against the spread? The mayonnaise-fetish community.

A tiny footnote to this, the candlesticks in question were later stolen by an ex-con, and while that's pretty awful it's still one of the less miserable parts in this whole story.