Q: Where was the old woman going as she walked off the field?

Unfortunately for the players, to keep with the bowl game theme all of the items are made out of cotton. Still, they've got it better than the Florida St. players who have a year-old DVD-player-shaped pile of rotting oranges under their TVs.

Meanwhile competitive gymnasts get suspended FOR filling out, period.

"Can't believe he's unable to climb a simple goddam rope on his own. It's like Pirate 101. 'I can't do this with one hand, Smee! Pull me up now, Smee!' I get so tired working for that weak-ass Hook."

"Because it goes on smoother, covers more thoroughly in one coat and gives you less shrinkage, I recommend an oil-based condom when penetrating the paint."