I like gentiles. Or giblets. As in, "Them shorts were so short you could almost see her giblets hanging out."

My thoughtful teenage son took time to assure me that many, if not most of the trolls run multiple proxy/sockpuppet accounts to get their tiny, tiny marbles off. I felt a little better.

Yep, throw the accountants and lawyers under the bus. After all, we happily risk our licenses to fawn over these disgusting greedheads. "I signed the plea agreement, but I didn't think you meant it!" Entitled twats.

How can one resist the allure of the Bakken oil fields?

I hope you can still get the paper bags at Trader Joes, even for a fee. Because it's hey, new luggage.

This begs for more distasteful detail. Pleeeez?

I went to /pol/ for the first time in years and am surprised that you are right. Also, as others have pointed out, 4chan isn't really a community. Reddit is far more organized.

YUM. I'd put some half and half on that bad boy.

I had this. You can put some ham in the extra cup to warm up while the egg cooks. Works great.

I would so wear this. Pink heels and all.

Good for you and community college. I'm sending all my kids there not only because I am cheap, but because the community colleges here are incredible. Paying 20k a year for undergraduate is insane. Decades ago, community college was the shabby relative of higher education, but now the programs are vast and amazing.

I fully agree. I'M NOT YOUR LADY. I AM YOUR QUEEN. COWER, ASSHOLE.

So what about the inflating boobies that go along with this precious, precious development? Going from a B-cup to a rock hard DDD or F or whatever hugeness I ended up being was hella more dramatic to watch than my abdomen. Photojournaling giant tits would be way more entertaining for everyone, and you could sell views…

When you get it at Dairy Queen!

I am shocked, yes shocked, how much good steak or prime rib I can inhale. The last time I grilled steaks, I think I hoovered down about 24 ounces of rib-eye. AND I DON'T TRIM THE FAT.

"Hey! Guess what I had to eat today!"

Must be some kind of MORAL FAILURE. Because decent people never get ill, or get cancer, or crippling diseases. (Seriously, I do hope things get better and I send kind wishes your way. I've been at the bottom of the well myself.)

Don't forget being white and growing up in the correct places.