The same kind of person who would use "You let yourself go," to describe anything other than the release of a balloon with your face on it.

If she's suing for the funds it will take to relocate her family and keep them afloat until new jobs are found, I'll allow it. That seems like an expense that is necessary for this child's well-being that would not have been necessary but for the mixup. If she's suing for emotional distress, she can get bent.

It would explain why Matt Damon was so drunk.

"J.Lo's Rear Ends Drunk Driver"?

I applaud her courage and strength. But it's important to note that she didn't have to forgive him to be a good person. Forgiveness doesn't make anyone a better person, morally, than people who don't forgive — and if you're in a position like this, you should make whatever choice is right for you and your own recovery.

Hey, I come from a long line of walking, talking, giant bag of dicks. We didn't come to this country to be compared to Dan Snyder.

I hate to be a snarktopus on a well done article like this, but... If Jezebel can deny that it is an explicitly feminist site (esp. When they use it as an excuse to do patently unfeminist things), then what right does this site have to bust others for doing the same??

I literally just reread this after like 25 minutes. It was STILL hilarious. I'm high-fiving my laptop screen over your avatar and it's so unsatisfying.

i am giggling so much at this rn. like i keep reading it and laughing and it's STILL FUNNY.

oh my god, I haven't had a good laugh like the one I just had in a looong time. Thank you for that.

You need ten million more stars.

Makes the meatball sandwich sign look rookie by comparison.

We are so not unicorns. I banged many dudes and have no regrets at all.

Diet cola tastes way worse than vaginas!

I would be remiss if I did not point out how amazing this guy is for being such a good wingman for his fish. You don't want to date him? Fine. He's got 23 fish to introduce to you. They are tropical as fuck and ready to mingle. No hard feelings.

You're thinking of the comprehensive credit history - but that's not till the third date. Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

He seems like a real keeper! I don't have any readable tattoos, but I'm sure I can balance a magazine on my back. Please send him over when you're done with him.

"Are you out of the greys on Jezebel? Because if you're not, I would find that quite crippling. I cannot be seen with a grey."

This guy (this is a screenshot of a message to me) needs to meet her. I bet they have loads in common.

OK I know it looks like she really overthought this, but actually she didn't think it through. Asking how many vaginas I've touched, but not being specific. With my fingers? My mouth? My genitals? My songs?