The worst thing about New York is that the rents are outrageous, even for those living up their own butts.

I like to imagine that multiple black women have called him a punk and his oblivious takeaway was that they thought he was Ashton Kutcher.

That sounds just pretentious enough to work.

To everyone saying it is just a joke: That's the point.

That was beautiful. *tears*

sounds legit

Brava!

It's true. Scientists also said breakfast was the most important meal of the day for keeping your brain healthy. So I replaced that (and lunch and dinner) with wine and now I can move small objects with my mind.

Why oh why can't I get this out of the greys??

Yes, that is where I worked. I worked in the Gloria Steinem counseling and liberation center.

I WILL LIVE TO BE A MILLION! UNSTOPPABLE!

By the time I was 6, I had two little sisters. We went on our first family vacation that year, and (now that I know what kind of hell it is to share a hotel room with children) my parents weren't exactly relaxing. By the end of the trip, their plan was to load up the car while we were all still asleep (when you're…

Caity Weaver is shivering at this development.

"I think I drank acid,"

"Len Kravitz, PhD"

People's audience is white, middle-class suburbia? I thought the target audience was people in the dentist's waiting room when all the copies of Highlights are already taken.

Mickey and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court. The judge leans over and asks Mickey, "So you think Minnie is crazy?" Mickey looks at the judge, shakes his head and says, "No, I said she's fucking Goofy!"

I lost my virginity to your cover of Papa Don't Preach.

ETA: Oh shit, you asked for a joke. I got nothing.

"I remember my first, most intense dry humping session," writes Kaylee, wistfully staring out the train window. "I was the ripe old age of 18, at a Midwest college town house party, tucked in a back room with the musicians and their instruments, until one by one, they left me and the guitarist I had come with. We…