It’s like I’m looking at her lips through a negative exposure.

He’s Deputy Mayor? How does a civil servant make enough money to afford this madness?

This did make me want Ben and Jerry’s, though.

Good thing I have renter’s insurance.

This was when I was looking for that moment of retribution, and instead I was slapped in the face with cold, ugly, remorseless shit.

Do you literally not understand the reference with the pea, or are you just commenting on the absurdity of the video as a whole?

Am I the only one cackling because “Bridesmaid” was abbreviated to BM?

Once in high school I went to Putt Putt (mini golf) with a bunch of goth friends, and a woman asked us if we were in a religion.

In my neighborhood there is a middle aged man who rides his scooter while being dragged by his collie. He has long hair, and is always wearing the same dirty white t shirt and torn jorts. I don’t want to emulate him at all.

WTF? We had Cosmo in my middle school library.

I use one. It’s fun. I bounce.

My toddler is in love with this french girl:

How do you pronounce aspartame? Is it a-SPART-a-me (it’s as much a part of you aspartame?), or ASS-par-tame? Or something else I haven’t considered?

I got “Baker Figueroa”

So... does this mean Hamilton Nolan isn’t fired? Trolls on Gawker trying to tell me otherwise.

I don’t get it. It’s like, “Now I have little bumps on my bigger bumps. Ta-da?”

What did Marine Todd have to say about this?

Dude. Maybe you just need to drink more water.

I love pancake, too.