He must have double vision something fierce. Everyone knows you eat at the Y.

Jimmy Haslam: *continues typing on a calculator thinking he’s sending a text*

Tom Benson: new phone who dat?

I’m sure Bob McNair is encouraging his coaching staff to look at Kaepernick as a replacement...

The indictment includes three criminal counts against Manafort and Gates that cover activities through 2017 and another count that includes activities through 2016.

Da, comrade.

That is like saying the less reeking turd is the best turd in the punch bowl. No one is even remotely impressed by Indiana’s top Med school (guessing #1 is U of Phoenix?) letalone their 2nd.

Co-Anchor: Oh wow! Haha seems like Natalie’s having a hard time with that chip! Hahahaha. Hang in there Natalie!

Best Denver-area food challenge performance by a journalist since Maureen Dowd.

Yeah, but to be fair he was 1950s fat, not 2017 fat.

Hey if this results in their fanbase actually practicing personal hygiene, then we all win.

I was going to say this one

I haven’t seen a Carson perform this kind of magic since Carnac the Magnificent!

Well, nobody’s Burf-
*explodes*

It wasn’t Belichick, it was his ex-girlfriend.

That explains all their all-hobbit WR corps perfectly.

The high point of the evening was when security tackled a naked Hal Holbrook wandering on the field.

The ironic thing is that Marshawn Lynch represents everything that chuds used to complain was missing from pro sports. He loves playing football, shows that love with how he plays, is a genuinely interesting and thoughtful person, dislikes and distrusts the media and the more commercial aspects of the sport, and…

“You think the clock is your ally. You merely manage the clock. I was born in it. Confused by it. I didn’t use the run until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but BLINDING. Challenges betray me, because they belong to you.”
-B̶a̶n̶e̶ Andy Reid, seconds before breaking a Kit Kat over his knee

Just like his Daddy. Crowd him a little bit and he’ll give you a pass. No wonder he could never beat Dale Jr.