If only there was some kind of convenient bed Murphy could have used.

Accidente grande!

He’s already demanded a trade to the Pirates.

Yeah except I went to one of these concerts and waved my hands like I didn’t care.

“She obviously wouldn’t recognize a nice guy if he hit her in the face.”

Always tryna get at that 2nd Amendment.

People managed to go to live events for decades without phones. They’ll live.

60? 31? Ew.

In a statistical oddity, his WAR has been 2.0 every season for the last 70 years.

Members of the broader Baylor community are shocked—shocked!—and say this was the most hostile environment since folks had to run from dinosaurs.

I think the real tragedy here is that we will be subjected to another 72 episodes of ‘Big Bang Theory’.

Even without seeing the video, I knew Fielder will be involved.

I’d criticize school staff for not seeing through the ruse, but in all fairness, nobody’s ever met a 30-year-old from South Sudan.

I know these letters and most of the words, but I can’t tell what they are trying to say.

Bartolo Colon once cracked a rib while working on a mound, but it was strictly to get at the marrow.

He must’ve had NC in the office bracket pool. I know the feeling. Losing $40 sucks.