Cannot imagine what an efficient weed dealer would even be like.

Burning Man needs to be doused with water.

Probably not. Donald Trump in victory couldn’t get me thinking about moving out of the country. Donald Trump in defeat has me making plans.

Just LOOK at that bare-chested guy in the faux coonskin cap-stole and historically-inaccurate Viking horns! Doesn’t he just REEK masculinity?

Going through the Constitution crossing out more paragraphs.

Facebooks IS the white supremicist social media network.

You are evil and should be running the world.

Technically, the process you describe is known as “defection.” “Reuters just reported that former President Donald Trump has applied for political asylum in Saudi Arabia.”

Actually, I want Bob Costas to ask him, “Are you attracted to young boys?”

He’ll issue himself another one.

Costly. We’ll have to replace, like, four squares of sidewalk. How about we put him in an ICE cage and give him exactly as much food, water and medical care as an undocumented immigrant usually gets? So much cheaper!

Eww, so true. Maybe just hire a wrecking ball  and start over from scratch.

Dude, so dangerous. What if his 285 pound carcass hits somebody? Or splashes them with bodily juices?

They have important work to do. Let’s raffle off the privilege. Sam Jackson and Lizzo can host. 

Can I, like, collect $100 each from ten friends and we all watch together? 

Any resident of Night Vale could tell you “time is not a thing”

Sorry to break it to you, but the Elf is unable to consummate a reciprocal relationship. They are voyeurs.

DeSantis openly covets the White House, and he is sucking up to Trump and Trump’s base.

Well, he may turn out to be good, but he’ll never replace Cardinal Mendoza in my heart!

Reminds me, a Tallahassean and Florida State grad, of how I used to say, “I am totally opposed to the death penalty ten minutes after Ted Bundy is declared dead.”