This cowboy can keep his Cadillac, er, Lincoln. No Dice.

You are a genuine smartass and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

Or again, since he wasn’t allowed to participate in any capacity but ponying up the cash, would not participate.

*checks notes*

You say that like Cadillac doesn’t make V6 engines. Or like they’re not phasing out V8 engines right now. And going electric, like every other car manufacturer involved with Formula One.

I got another one:

I actually admire the interior restraint. And the fact that seat belts are provided for every seating position.

I could live with the exterior’s aesthetic issues. Porsche-nistas may be offended, but on the mean city streets those are badges of courage.

34 freakin’ slides? Are you kidding me?

A prime example of what you get when you put lipstick on a roach.

Yet none of that seemed to matter too much until Musk went edgelord and claimed Twitter as his personmal fiefdom.

I think they’re saying 45% of the previous volume, not 45% more than the previous volume.

I don’t think Tesla is going to die, but it’s going to crash down to the level of being another company in the heavy manufacturing sector, rather than its previous illusion of a high-tech company.

That’s certainly part of it, but I don’t think it’s the biggest part of it. By any means.

Okay truck, with lots of miles — 269,000 miles is a lot of miles, even for a Toyota — for way too much money. No Dice.

It’s clean, but nowhere near $9500 worth of clean. No Dice.

And, as CNBC added, other “unnamed rich supporters.” With money magically appearing from nowhere.

I know it’s just the ante to get into this game, but I’d pony up $14 grand of Jalopnik money to play. Nice Price.

I thought primary considerations for granting bail are 1) the nature of the offense and 2) the likelihood of showing up in court.

I’ll buy this being a Big Bux track toy as a pretty fancy bit of kit.