Things got even more awkward when police tried to read her rights and she vehemently insisted she "could probably" do it herself as long as she was "allowed to sound out the big ones."

I can still hit the ball 45 yards outside the numbers with good hangtime

Eat less chikin.

Wow, Champion Baptist College must be a really devout school if even their losses are of biblical proportions.

You are lazy. THERE ARE LINKS ALL OVER THIS PAGE. Call me a bully if you like. If you think someone is a bully for expecting you to be intelligent enough to read for yourself and conduct your own searches, that says a lot more about you than it does about me. You sound like a child who complains that he can't find…

Wake up, sheeple!

Unannounced Foghorn Competition

No big deal. Somebody just asked Dana White to verbalize the deepest thought he's ever had.

Erg, I know you just got the chopper and you're new to piloting and all, but when Santa is frightened and hiding in the bushes, maybe, JUST MAYBE, it's time to read the owner's manual.

McDonald's would have sold more, but every time Flacco went in to get a six piece, he stalled out and settled for three.

Therapist: [holds up picture of a black man]

The only balloons keeping Ditka up are periodic angioplasties

Wait, so you get flagged if you throw the ball 60 yards? Chad Pennington's career is starting to make a lot more sense now.

"A boa constrictor, a necklace, and Tony Romo."

What I love about the Deadspin Bear of the Year award is that it rewards the overall scope and magnitude of the Bear's work to our global culture, holding up a mirror to our society without regard to whether the Bear's contributive impact exerts a positive or negative influence. This bear's body of work was indeed…

GODDAMMIT GARY

Holy shit! That's a huge basement.

"I am inventor of this. I am drunk. I am Canadian."

This seems like a great idea, until you realize the whole thing melts if you hit three shots in a row.

"Around" isn't the only thing he's not fucking.