Believe it or not, I've heard and seen on more than a few occasions people who believe that Emmitt Till got what was coming to him, that he was sexually harassing a white woman and then got violent with the men who tried to defend her honor, essentially that he was killed in self-defense. Of course, I grew up in…

This mix-up occurred, according to sources that spoke to Outside The Lines, because the attorneys were looking for "a man with a similar name."

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If your "company" weren't so entwined with evangelical "name it and claim it" dogma, I'd swear your employee handbook was plagiarized from Ayn Rand.

Depends on how quickly I can get them off the rack at Goodwill.

I didn't realize Hanes boxer briefs and a Metallica tour t-shirt qualified as well-dressed nowadays.

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+1, you bastard

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This is great.

Rhymes With Pistorius

That's a lot of words about labia

The first and last time I'll ever compliment Kinja, but this smackdown a burner put on a Jezzie commenter was quite something.

That's hilarious. +1

Wear black-rimmed glasses and a fanny pack and flash the V sign at everyone. They'll appreciate your attempts to fit in.

You swapped the last two, but other than that, spot on.

Des'ree, Troy Polamalu, Delta Burke, and Kevin Smith's dirty underwear.