I wish I were joking. I also wish I had better teammates in high school.

"So my friend, let's call him fat... no wait, let's call him leaveher... spent 48 straight hours trying to touch my gentleman sausage."

That's awful. I'm very sorry you're having to go through this, man.

+1

+1

I just recently got into El-P, love it, but haven't heard that album yet. I will put it near the top of my list of shit I ain't bought yet.

Well, the Hatfields basically had James Hatfield, muckraking author extraordinaire who committed suicide after committing credit card fraud. And then there's Bobby Hatfield from the Righteous Brothers, and HE died of a cocaine overdose.

"Forts!"

+1

Situation: You know very little about golf lingo, but you're a commenter on Deadspin who at least has a sense of humor.

suck it Echo

+1

How many sentences are you allowed when trying to explain a Deadspin inside baseball joke to someone who has never been to Deadspin before you give up and succumb to soul-crushing shame? I'm asking for a friend.

I didn't laugh until I read this.

Yep. I spent a couple interviews figuring out a place that was recruiting me was shady business. When I finally cut it off and said I wasn't interested, the recruiter told me that I didn't have the balls to succeed in the real world.

Oldboy. Alternately, pretty much anything out of the Tartan Asia Extreme catalog.

That's fantastic.

How to make arugula seasonings relevant

I remember a couple years ago, a player got hit in the nuts (not Favre), and close to 20 commenters either posted that Simpsons clip or made reference to it (myself included). Armin Tamzarian responded identically to every single one. I admired his dedication.

I had a case of yellow beers, packed real tightly too, but when I went to drink one they had all gone off to build a railroad in Nevada.