“I’m dressed as Gollum for Halloween.”

I am quite sure that Stephen Miller had a hand in this.

Somehow the Trump supporters have failed to get the plural of “witch” right.

I assumed Mark Zuckerberg was the robot changing the way we communicate.

Shoving snickers bars into all of your orifices at the same time.

Corn is better candy than candy corn. Welcome to the future where there are better ways to entertain yourself than shoving candy corn up your various orifices.

Candy corn is trash, fuck this list.

Sticking it to powerful people who are fucking up a good thing with disingenuous pleas to “avoid controversy” and “stick to sports” is a good thing.

Wouldn’t that end with you getting bitten on the hand?

I could if I had friends, yeah.

Wow, God sounds like an abuser in this account. “I’m going to tell Kevin Hart to slow down by making him get into a car accident”. Use your words, dude.

Yah, we know.

But apparently it’s whimsical.

Don’t you think those dogs would be better if they were cats?

Why is Deadspin always writing about political topics like pumpkin theft? Enough with the class warfare!

So, did she send 9,000 texts to him, or 9,000 texts, very generously and reasonably spread out among him, his new gf, and the relatives? Because that sounds like a very sane thing to do.

Remember, everytime God makes a window, Supergirl crashes through a door. Or something.

If that’s what they’ll do for Froot Loops, imagine what they would do for a good cereal.

My friend tells me that when you’re into albums, you don’t get to be choosy.