But there definitely are hot single women in my area who want to chat with me, right?

Don’t ask how hotdogs get made...

You can put him in the morgue, yes!

My god. More groping at the French Open.

With a goal and a fight last night, Malkin was only a rigging of a US presidential election away from the Vladimir Putin Hat Trick.

Well, on the plus side, a black man in America finally survived a traffic stop. Progress!

Not a fair test. The road clearly broke to the right.

Officer: Do you know where you are?

Tiger: I would like to have a threesome with you and another girl you trust. 

The leakers of the videos are the real problem here. Sad.

This qualifies as a news story? This really is the greatest witch hunt in American hiscoco.

If you’re going to sport throwback Cheryl Miller’s hair, you’d better shoot as good as throwback Cheryl Miller.

This is not very metal at all, Glenn Danzig.

It’s like a less coordinated version of George Jefferson’s strut.

T-minus ten years until E&Y announces the promotion of Lonzo’s forensic accountant to partner.

It would be a shame if this were to appear at or near the top of the search listings if someone were to google “Scot House”, for example, if a prospective employer were to search for “Scot House” or Scot House (with or without quotation marks). So let’s not talk too much about Scot House, and let’s especially not say…

You should really check out the snopes page on that conspiracy theory. It’s hilarious that Bill couldn’t cover up a blow job, but people think they are capable of covering up 100+ murders.

This is a promising start to your horror spec script. Keep it up.

This:

White, I’d imagine. Oakleys.