I feel like this girl should start the "Stalker Baking Co." We'll stalk the shit out of you and bake a flight of delights based on your rocky past.

Absolutely. One time I made the mistake of leaving a freshly baked loaf of sourdough on the counter. Within 15 minutes of leaving the kitchen, I came back to find it missing and my golden lying on the floor.

You listen to music a lot more closely than I did when I was younger.

If Part 2 isn't about the 90's and doesn't feature the MC Hammer cartoon as well as that one cartoon where Michael Jordan, Bo Jackson, and Wayne Gretzky were superheroes, I'm going to be very disappointed in you.

Beyond local elections, there are often no viable third party candidates on the ballot either. And I'll probably always vote democrat over Hitler. Sorry.

Justin Bieber accidentally flashed a group of 13-year-olds when his pants split while performing at a bar mitzvah. Girl, you've become a woman!

Everyone please pipe down, a man is talking.

There was only one set of footprints in the sand Adultoscare. You carried me the whole time.

and also she made a pun with it. it's a goddamn pun. A PUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am p sure you're just an anthropomorphic turnip trying to save you and your ilk.

THIS IS MY FEAR. That I'll bring someone home and will have forgotten to remove my pillow-pizza. :(

it should be sexual reichstag, not sexual congress

I KNOW.

There's also the fact her show sucks.

Oh thank god. I was getting tired of explaining to potential paramours that I have no interest in ever getting laid. This will be a time-saver.

NOT your proudest moment?! How.

I shoved my wedding ring down my exes throat!

im actually 100% e coli

it's not about me, specifically, and it should be about me, specifically