Those asshole awards are such a sham. They always go to the most conventional, crowd-pleasing asshole instead of deep, critically-acclaimed assholes.

I hope it's a sitcom about a group of late twenties white people living in New York! *Fingers crossed*

wear a sideways baseball cap and sit backwards on a chair

If you came into this thread to masterbate you must star this comment.

I just ate a Hershey's almond bar and I'm now working my way through a bowl of reheated two-day old fried rice. THIS IS THE LIFE OF KINGS.

Yeah, my boyfriend (who's been a parent for more than a decade) was like, "I don't know if you're qualified to write a parenting book until you've proven that you've raised not-a-murderer."

Xerxes was an asshole but Agamemnon was a benevolent king. Great names.

I started a kitchen fire while making a salad once.

It seems like the way they get it to be a solid at room temperature is encapsulating it in cyclodextrin, a ring of glucose molelcules. The inside of the ring is hydrophobic and allows ethanol to be encapsulated there.

My dad's Youtube channel. He makes tribute videos to 'fallen soldiers' (people he plays video games with online who have died or have stopped playing) and then adds really sappy music to it. It's the saddest/most unintentionally hilarious thing I've ever seen.

TO UNDERSTAND RAMEN YOU MUST BECOME RAMEN

I appreciated the "traditional-ness" of our proposal, but it was sort of hilarious because he and I had gotten in a huge fight about a month prior over money and I couldn't understand why he was suddenly so broke all the time and had missed two credit card payments (hello, you kind of need a decent credit score to buy…

I'm saying he literally has that pun on a t-shirt.

Onlooker: "What's that in the sky? Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Captain Cultural Relativism!"

(Captain Cultural Relativism lands in the middle of the crowd, clad in tight multicolored spandex, so as to represent all the unique and special lands of the world, with an incredible golden tower shield strapped to…

The are literally worse than Dante's final circle of hell.

Regarding Facebook news station feeds...

MORE LIKE POUNDTON ABBEY

Reason with it

I'm thinking he has.