This is making me want to digitize my paperback copy of “How To Be Popular With Boys” (nonfiction) and share it with the world. (Actual advice: fall down on the ground in front of him so he can help you up and feel manly.)

Luckily, you can get a VCR at any thrift store for around $4. I did!

I vote for the Ivy Park website for Most Irritating Website of the Year. yyyyyeeeeeeeshhh.

I have breakdowns over this. Where are all the fucking serving spoons!? Why are they not together in this drawer, where they usually are!? Why is there only an ice cream scoop and a potato peeler in the cutlery drawer?!?!?

I’m taking a comedy writing class. I shared I Feel Bad About My Neck with my fellow students. The teacher said “What do we know about Nora Ephron?” CRICKETS. She said “Have you guys heard of Nora Ephron??” A tumbleweed rolled through the room.

My dress was a $200 last-season BHLDN gown that I got secondhand on a wedding resale site and it was rad as hell and sometimes I still put it on just to watch old episodes of 30 Rock.

Oh gawwwd, you learn so fast in the wedding planning process that you NEVER SAY YOU’RE PLANNING A WEDDING. The cost of everything goes up by 90%.

I bloody love the Green Lady. New York Times did a piece on her a while back, too, and I loved her then. I’ve been attracted to green my whole life! I totally get it, lady! It makes me feel so good. I buy green things when green things are available. Green everything. I haven’t dyed my hair yet but I have…

I cried buckets. Grab some extra napkins before you head in.

Oh hey, no problem! I love this stuff too. I actually think we’re lucky that she wasn’t married (yet?) as that’s when lots of women go missing from history. You suddenly had a new name and (usually) no job outside of the home, and if there isn’t a record of the marriage preserved somewhere...*poof*. I’m so glad Mamie…

Uuuugh, this is so fucked. It happened in my hometown, sort of. I got a weird, grainy photo one day of a naked girl I recognized from a number I didn’t recognize. Turns out: she had taken it on her phone to send to her husband, who was a teacher. His students took his phone and texted the picture to eeeeveryone. (He…

Here’s some more:

There is a Mamie Westmoreland in the 1896 and 1899 Atlanta city directories, listed as a teacher, living at 134 Crumley Avenue. She appears again at the same address and with the same occupation in 1908. I would doubt that she was married at that time. I’m not sure about Atlanta laws, but I know that there was a big…

Liz Phair is opening? I thought it was the other way around and was willing to sit through the first part with my fingers in my ears, but the other way around? Nah, I’m good.

Well—good on ‘em for recognizing that there’s a problem, but, yes: they’re way late.

Right?? Also learned that it’s not harassment if they apply it to everyone. So if your harasser tells dirty, creepy jokes to the men AND women in the office, it’s not personal, and therefore not harassment. It’s downgraded to “inappropriate.”

That’s a crock of shit, I agree, and I learned about it the hard way at my job. If you haven’t told your harasser that they are harassing you and should stop, it’s not harassment because they don’t *KNOW* they’re doing it. If you’re too scared to approach them and ask them to stop making sexual or threatening…

I’m amused that he said “cry.” I imagined him using the term “pass eye water.”

I mistakenly read the headline as “monsters of our destiny.”

That sounds like the best day of my life. Except the face-punching.