The best, as often as possible: Hot baths that last for over an hour. Good book with me in the tub or computer with Netflix on the toilet lid. Door completely closed in that “come in here and die” type of way. (Dog usually noses the door open and tries to investigate but can be turned away easily by saying “Oh,…

Engagment?

I was riding the CTA in Chicago when I noticed a homeless man sitting in the center-facing priority seats, with about 8 feet of unoccupied space all around him. Empty seats during rush hour are never a good sign. The train car cleared out more and more at each stop as people hurried to pack into other cars, and I…

Two days before Christmas last year, my aunt makes this huge pot of chili for everyone to snack on while they wait for the main event. My cousin and his girlfriend eat a boatload of it in front of the TV that day. On Christmas Eve, they get hammered and have condom-free anal. Christmas Day, my cousin wakes up thinking…

My grandpa survived the Vietnam war, during which he served as a paratrooper. He lost both legs, one below the knee and one just above. So he spent the rest of his life in a wheelchair. He wasn’t really the warm, loving type of grandpa: mostly he sat in his recliner smoking and complaining about how much noise we were…

ahhhhh I looove her! She came to my liberal arts college for our creative writing festival and read sections of “Caramelo” to us, and I’ll never forget the sound of her voice reading her words.

Once when I worked at McDonald’s a really old lady took about 30 minutes to order food for herself and her husband and grandkids because she had a thousand ridiculous questions about how the menu worked. The worst was when she noticed the 99 cent double cheeseburgers sign and decided to replace every single…

“If I smell anything like what he smelled like, it’ll take me right back to being abused,” she says. “That still happens. I still have that memory.”

There’s a man in my office who refers to himself as “the daddy.” Of course that means I’m his daughter...? He revealed this to me by asking me to come into his office once to show me a picture on his phone of his teenage niece on the night of her high school homecoming dance. “Don’t you think that dress is too short?”…

They're going to need some detectives to catch the poopetrator.

I'm going to remain skeptical. When it was first reported, there was a tweet dated March 31 that said "Just got back from church!" Then they started reporting that he'd been missing since 3am on Sunday and that tweet came down. Hmm.

I am SO going to buy one of these buttholes and put it on my boyfriend's plate every chance I get. Just sorta sneak it on there. Enjoying your lasagna? Here is a butthole!

That is a huge assumption to make, and it would be wrong.

Also it's H-O-L-L-Y-W-O-O-D, not Hollwyood. You must be referring to a town in Sweden.

OH!

OH THEN THERE'S THIS.

This story KILLED me so I had to look at a bunch of pictures of my little one. I thought I'd share since it helped me a little. I can't wait to snuggle that little fuzzer at the end of the day :,( Poor puppies!!!

Ah, so right!! And I remember them all just waiting there for him, jumping around on the back seats like he was the best thing ever (because he is) and when he got in he was like "HIIII" and they just jumped all over him. If I had to be reincarnated as a dog I'd want to be Richard's. Think of the daily dose of…

I SOOO DID THIS LAST YEAR! I was in LA for my birthday and my friend took me to Slimmons! It was actually a really tough workout, and the whole time Richard was being kind of aggro and screaming stuff like "STOP THINKING ABOUT DINNER!" But at the end of class he sat everyone down and said a little birdie had told him…

As a child from a family with a history of choosing obvious favorites (and dealing really poorly with the emotional fallout from it)...I find this stuff so fascinating and helpful. If anyone is interested, I very highly recommend the book "The Favorite Child" by Ellen Weber Libby. It's good to learn why and how these…