I was fourteen and met a boy at my mom’s best friend’s second wedding. “Brent” was my mom’s best friend’s 16-year-old son, whom I hadn’t seen since we were kids. We flirted through the whole reception and even left to take a walk in the woods together. We exchanged Hotmail addresses and phone numbers and he promised…

Fuck. No.

This screeching, squalling dumpster fire ignited in the Wal-Mart in my hometown. I texted my mom to let her know her Wal-Mart was viral and why, and she replied “See? Now this kind of shit right here is why I only go there at 5am.”

ahhhh yessss this! It reminds me of that show Tiny House Hunters where they GO ON A SHOW SPECIFICALLY TO LOOK FOR A HOUSE DESCRIBED AS ‘TINY’ and every house they look at they say “But it’s so small?”

I bought a pack of those Always Discreet disposable underpants things--and I’m glad I did, because those mesh panties were just garbage to me. They kept sliding down off my butt so I was constantly trying to hold them up while supporting myself on stuff with the other hand to get to the bathroom! They were probably…

I gave birth 5 1/2 months ago and a “broken” vagina is exactly what it (still) feels like. I wasn’t prepared for the not-snapped-back feeling I still have almost six months later. At my 2-week and 6-week checkups, I mentioned to my doctor that immediately postpartum I’d felt like when I got up and walked around, my…

The only thing that makes me feel better about this experience is how well we cared for each other in the dream...I told her not to be afraid and she stayed calm and told me exactly what to do when I was scared. We can’t always do that in waking life, but we try.

OK but the most terrifying part of this story is that your wife got pregnant with Baby #2 only four months after having #1...

FUCK.

Dang, I give my dog a hard time for being such a huge ding dong (he bumps his head on stuff, what kind of dog bumps his head on stuff!?), but the first time my husband went out of town and left us alone, that big dummy went into PROTEC/ATTAC mode like you would not beliiiiiiieeeeeve.

whooaaa jump back everybody, we got us a professional debunker

And now that I’ve told my friend’s story, I’ll tell mine, which happened this year.

This is not my story, but my best friend’s, and I’m sharing with his blessing. (Re-post from last year.)

I’ll have to look for that. I still need it.

I think Michael Ian Black might have what you’re looking for:

She stepped on my foot once, in a bar. It was my birthday.

I’m going to stop pretending like it doesn’t supremely piss me off that I was in no way allowed to film or photograph any part of my baby’s ultrasound so my 1100-miles-away husband could see it too, but goddamn Khrispee Khardashian could have both her husband AND a film crew in the room.

I bloody love turkey and I will stand steadfastly by my brining and herb butter roasting methods. I’ve been a bit sore about ham for the last few years since my MIL came to the first family thanksgiving I hosted and INSISTED that her baby boy needed a ham (he insisted that he could not give a fuck about ham) and she…

You repeatedly refer to her as “Fonesca”, as you did in the article about her last Friday...all signs point to her name being Fonseca.

Ugh. I do freelance genealogy, and I had a client a couple of years ago whose great aunt had been in a few movies, but then abruptly quit acting and died on the young side. I eventually found some articles about how she accused a producer of rape, then took the guy to court, where she was maligned and dragged through…