Between bites of lobster, Kennedy looks up at Hitler and goes, “You ever bang Marlene Deitrich? I didn’t think so, you punk-ass bitch!”

Pretty sure hyperbole is mandatory at all socialist gatherings, so no way this is a disqualifier in any way, shape or form.

Save me, Joe Louis.

I don't know who the milk man is, but I'll bet he looks just like my son.

No nuclear proponent is “all for saving the environment and everything,” but it does make for good trolling, I suppose.

There is no climate change because Meat Loaf ate it.

I hate that I know this, but suicide by train happens about 80 times a year in the U.S. on average. Often there are clues like a chair on the tracks. The quick determinations on suicide usually happens with the discovery and verification of a note.

...they say...

It’s pronounced “jon ed-wurdz."

Pretty easy position to take for half a day before the last game of the season. What a revolutionary.

The military fosters racism to make people into better killers of people from other races. 

Pretty much everyone North of Danny Devito dunks on Mayor Pete.

Skin flute, Steele sausage, Family tartan, Love porkchop. Call it whatever you want. Ivanka know her way around one.

Also a cop.

Self defense

Man walks into a bar.

Why all the whos down in whoville, of course.

Trump’s numbers only dip when he goes up against Jefferson Davis and Hitler.

Wangsgiving. When Deadspin and Splinter ex-pats show the love.

For real. It's like the fat soccer mom of testaments.