Yeah maybe it’s a bad idea to spend 18 months calling a large segment of voters naive idiot bros because their economic policies fall to the left of Margaret Thatcher.

I look forward to reading this message on my brow ser.

Unfortunately the sobriety test they used was the Wonderlic exam.

“(Young) flunked every sobriety test they gave to him.”

he choked the lion to death while defending himself.

• If you have small children with you, protect them by picking them up so they won’t panic and run.

Unlike in this story, I feel confident that you did not end up making her choke though.

The good news is, Ledet didn’t touch Walker once

I love this, but there’s no way he doesn’t lock his office door.

“NO SIR, I DID NOT SEE YOU PLAYING WITH YOUR DOLLS AGAIN SIR” 

Now I have to contend with the image of Roger Goodell’s penis, so thanks for that...

Criminally underrated.

“Sean, Drew, Michael, Alvin. Guys. Listen. I’m sorry. You have to understand my position here. I wish I could help you. I really do. Nobody feels worse about this than I do. Except for you and your fans, of course. But I hate what this has done to the sport. I really do. The only worse possible outcome here would be…

As I read this, I used the Mooninites’ voices for Heckert and Shurmur. Seemed appropriate.

I haven’t seen a Republican this excited about involving big government in football since Chris Christie was in office.

A republican caring about something involving two black men is pretty remarkable though. 

I see what you did there... despite trying my best to not see it.

Yes

Weird. Most of today’s self-identified patriots are totally okay with someone taking a shot in the back.

“The guy in the Pat costume just got sent to the hospital by a Jets defensive back.”