There he is, the fun person!

Just what we need, a rivalry between east coast and west coast crappers

For what I imagine is the first time in Dolan’s life, someone should say, “Wow, it’s way way longer than anyone expected”

Not sure who to trust here. I mean, one of these guys is obviously a plagiarist.

How The Hell Should You Pee In This Toilet?

I haven’t seen an NFL player go back to the line with such regularity since Michael Irvin’s retirement party.

Did anyone ever figure out which burner account belonged to Radcliffe?

I like you, Hamilton Nolan. People like you give life flavor. You know, the way food gets flavor from salt n’ pepper.

Starting just to keep the streak going and knowing you won’t finish the game and have a chance to win it is pointless to me, and it tarnishes the streak

Huh. When it comes to football cliches, I would have guessed “weakest link” always beat “shot himself in the foot.”

Makes total sense.

Gronk: Bro! That was sweet! Want to celebrate?

These extremely Canadian 13 minutes may not fully translate to all Americans, but I would honestly love to enjoy this performance every single February.  

Blake Bortles and Blaine Gabbert. Rearrange them any way you like—Bortles Gabbert, Blake Blaine, Blake Gabbert, Bortles Blaine, Gabbert Blake, Blaine Bortles, Gabbert Bortles, Blaine Blake, Bortles Blake, Gabbert Blaine. In the end, it’s still Whogivesafuck? for “same guy”.

I mean, you have two NFL franchises in an area that I don’t know how stable the geological plates that were below us [were], but nothing happened so that was good.

They lost, 43-8.

No quarterback had thrown five interceptions in the first half since before the NFL-AFL merger.

No one tell Katter those crocodiles were all born out of wedlock.

Great article! With your permission, my fellow editors and I would like to include it in the forthcoming anthology, 99% of Americans Imperiled By House Tax Bill.

“Nothing says I love America like some half-assed feels.”