I don’t know, Timothy. This list seems pretty fucking overexplained.

Ripple Effects

It would be nicer to say he was Shaq then.

Makes sense. If you’re going to have a back-up you never use, you might as well know he sucks.

I wonder if at some point he just starts shouting when he reads grocery lists aloud, too. “Eggs, Wheaties, apples, orange juice, milk, POWERADE! SEVENTH GENERATION! LIGHT BULBS! CAMPBELL’S SOUP! A NICE PIECE OF SALMON! canned tomatoes, soy sauce, spaghetti, butter.”

According to a spokesperson, Kaepernick was not a good fit for the meetings.

“I used a figure of speech that was never intended to be taken literally. I mean, like, would you let the slaves run the plantation?”

Speaking strictly for myself, I suppose this is not my strong suit.

Big mistake by Irvin. Any fool can see that Smith is the kind of man who puts plaid to his critics.

What, did someone dip his fries in a milkshake?

“I’m the ranking owner here,”

There’s a fine line between the “Oh.” face and the “Oh!” face.

This must be disappointing for those who want to remember Bush as a stand-up kind of guy.

An incredible double rainbow frames #Pittsburgh

Upon being reunited with his family, the squirrel said, “I have seen Heaven. Imagine a sprawling green meadow. And you can’t look up without seeing a pair of nuts.”

Dan Bailey: I think you mean “a hurt enormous groin.”

Dog: [appreciates Andy Reid’s Walrus Whiskers’s commiseration]

Dog: Why must this man terrierize me?

So much for a second Blossoming.

If you believe that logging into a burner account to respond preachily to a joke you disapproved of falls under a category of “need[ed]” things, you have problems far graver than common stupidity.