Can you introduce me to the manager at Bojangles? She is so far out of my league but fine as frog hair.

I think we should give the president the benefit of the doubt and assume he has no idea what the word caucus means

Commenter that I refuse to bring out of greys: “He doesn’t know about the CBC because the CBC is a tiny little organization. Also, it’s not the President’s job to set up meetings. He actually requests and accepts them, and somebody else organizes them. He’s just doing what he normally does. Given their generally…

To be fair, he’s only getting an early start because his impeachment will inevitably slow things down, re: campaigning.

Well you can’t expect him to start the campaign after the country has been reduced to radioactive rubble. The dead don’t show up to rallies! Gotta get stumping now while the infrastructure is still standing and the approval rating isn’t trending negative!

I really feel like it’d be inappropriate to consider a SCOTUS nominee in the middle of the campaign like this. We should really wait until the election and let the voice of the American people be heard.

Chuck E Cheese- I haven’t been to one of these places in ages. The video game cabinets have been replaced by educational games, but the animatronic show goes on. Across the table two time Super Bowl MVP, Eli Manning squirts Elmers glue into his mouth. As we wait for our sausage pizza, Eli leans in and confides that…

MILWAUKEE-Asked restaurant host: “God, did you hear about Peter King?”
Host: “No.”
Me: “Died. from righteous indignation.”
Thought he would cry

*hits forehead*

From: Tom Ley

“I am a 59 year old...”

Hello. I’m not American. Can someone tell me why America thought it was a good idea to make a functionally illiterate man with severe personality disorders the President of the United States of America?

Goddamn, the St. Louis Cardinals should go ahead and trade for him already

For a guy without a working finger, he seems easily triggered.

*severely fucks up the part of my body my living is dependent on with a toy for children* im the most scientific mothrefucker out here libs

it was me, i came to his house and forced him to read it at gunpoint

And instead of just skipping the article you immediately knew was not sports-related, you felt obligated to not only click on it but scroll down to the comments and post a response to it.

I love his assertion that her being ‘a great person’ (citation needed) has any bearing on Nordstrom carrying her line. They cut it because it didn’t sell, and Nordstrom is a business, it wouldn’t matter if it was Mother Teresa’s line.

I think that this is outrageous and disrespectful.

how long until the first?