Stay safe folks. I feel like there’s about to be more than a few NYPD having “bad days”...

Take that logic to its logical conclusion and you’d he happily handing Elon thousands of dollars for an “invisible” car that only you are able to see.

It’s straight up art

Kris and OJ? 

I know, right? More likely he’d shoot himself in the ass.

Safest bet is to a) not put yourself into situations where you’re likely to get shot at, and b) just run the fuck away instead of trying to reenact some wild west shootout fantasy. Honestly, 99% of people (even if they had a gun on them) would run away just by pure instinct if someone started shooting.

I had a neighbor, an older white dude, who would walk his dog around our block with a handgun tucked in the back of his pants. I remember always thinking this guy would most likely end up becoming the victim of a shooting (by his gun or someone else’s) for the sole fact he was putting that energy out there and…

Yeah, that’s sort of his brand of comedy. Some of his stuff I can’t get into but other stuff he just nails the bad vibe so hard that I can’t not like it.

I want to see Chris Elliott (the only good white Chris) reprise his Leno impression to do this lame apology justice.

From our jackass representative in Congress:

Yeah man, they really never saw this coming. FML.

Well and people with loose lips spilling company secrets. Not to mention people using this to poach employees.

That Capitol tour logs and footage the day before the attempted coup cannot come fast enough.

I ate a lot of cereal growing up but there was a bout a 20 year gap between then and when I started eating it again (started having kids) and it totally turned me off. I just chalked it up to changing formulas, like how Hot Pockets now are totally different than they were 20 years ago.

I know, right? He looks like every other truck driving white guy from the Denver exurbs...

Suspect named:

A dude who looks like you average cracker but is named Ahmad Al Aliwi Alissa, apparently.

What’s scary is how casual she is about the whole thing. That’s some serial killer vibes.

Dude better use some of that cash to hire himself a good lawyer. Lindsey and Stevie are coming for you...

One of my dad’s side hustles when I was growing up was delivering newspapers. I used to help him out doing the Sunday papers and there were a few times we got hassled by cops (his route went through the fancy part of town). I still have no idea how you can call yourself a cop and not realize this is someone who is…