Wow, that pretty good for a computer!

"Guy was a great player. Such a tragedy, the way he went and all. At the age of 24, too. Damn, RIP. Anyways, respect that you're still rockin' his jersey."

well how would you feel if you'd never ever ever had sex, ever?

FALSE. They all came from their daddy's balls.

I met a foxy woman last night but she wouldn't have sex with me unless I trimmed my pubes. I said that's impossible! You know I don't own any Clippers!

Donald Sterling's penis is like the video from The Ring. The only way to get it out of your mind is to put it in someone else's. I'm so sorry.

Lies Donald Sterling will tell to get over: Big penis, gift of flight, not a racist.

So if Johnny Manziel had beat the shit out of a random guy and helped cover up a rape that eventually got one of his teammates expelled, it'd still be okay because he's a decent player and beat Alabama a few years ago?

You mean he hasn't knocked up or murdered anyone?

Were we expecting the Patriots to like Johnny Manziel?

Mom (5:14pm): Are you sure you weren't supposed to block him?

As a Titans fan and as someone who doesn't know anything about Michigan football, I had to look this guy up when we picked him, mainly because he looked like the second coming of Richie Incognito. I mean really, he looked like an uber-douche last night, like an 80s movie high school bully.

Mom, I'm not answering that. That's a Clown-ey question, bro.

His family was wearing flannel shit. Pretty sure they just got done breeding with each other.

[Mom]: They also mentioned Taylor beating the shit out of that poor kid walking down the street last year. Are you sure you weren't you supposed to stop him?

Did she mention Taylor Lewan's suit, picked out by Hitler?

The fullback was supposed to cover the CB on a run play?

Kerridge would have been better off at UNC. No one there would have given a shit about his missed assignments.

CB = Clown Boy