With the 249th pick in the 2014 NFL Draft, the Ringling Bros select Michael Sam!

+1. Maybe he should've come out AFTER the draft instead of creating the circus beforehand.

"Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, SEC Defensive Player of the Year, gay, gay, gay, gay..."

I'm sorry but the whole "shove cake in my boyfriend's mouth then make out with him" scene was a bit too much. It just seemed a bit unprofessional regardless of sexual orientation.

I made $50,000 last year! Abuubaker said he just needed me to send $10,000 so he could release the funds and he'd mail the check the same day!

FALSE. They all came from their daddy's balls.

I met a foxy woman last night but she wouldn't have sex with me unless I trimmed my pubes. I said that's impossible! You know I don't own any Clippers!

So if Johnny Manziel had beat the shit out of a random guy and helped cover up a rape that eventually got one of his teammates expelled, it'd still be okay because he's a decent player and beat Alabama a few years ago?

Mom (5:14pm): Are you sure you weren't supposed to block him?

He was the best offensive lineman on a team that had no offensive line. It's like be the biggest person in a crowd of toddlers. Dumb pick, and I'm sorry you have to deal with this guy's shit.

Mom, I'm not answering that. That's a Clown-ey question, bro.

His family was wearing flannel shit. Pretty sure they just got done breeding with each other.

[Mom]: They also mentioned Taylor beating the shit out of that poor kid walking down the street last year. Are you sure you weren't you supposed to stop him?

The fullback was supposed to cover the CB on a run play?

CB = Clown Boy

It's a fucking water bottle.

Gordon Bombay really needs to get this thug under control.

I don't know. I'm not Gordon Bombay. I don't make these decisions.

This shit would never fly if Charlie Conway was still the captain.

Give Helen Keller a stick, put her on ice, then rapidly spin her around in front of the net and she'll score as many goals as Perry