Today I learned: Sáček is the Czech equivalent of Sanchez.

“Where are their parents? Seriously!” -R Kelly

Don’t these people know better than to get on a bus with Keanu Reeves? 

Shout out to the ref for bumping the leg as he casually stepped over Nurkic.

Hard Brexit.

I’m outraged that Doordash pays its drivers so little that they have to play minor league ball to make ends meet.

Witnesses described the man as “funny lookin.”

To really put the duration of this contract into perspective, when it expires, R. Kelly will try to have sex with it.

Jesus! Even more evidence of Russia meddling with our erections.

• If you have small children with you, protect them by picking them up so they won’t panic and run.

The Choker?

David, have you made an offer on the Jeep, yet?

If he’s such a great prognosticator, then why didn’t he open the broadcast with, “Everybody should just go to bed right now, because in a few hours you will all want to kill yourselves.”

I’m reasonably certain that several members of Alabama’s defense realized sometime this week that a dominant performance tonight would have meant that they were going to get picked by Washington in the draft, and this was the quickest way to avoid it.

If a fumble happens in the woods and no one is there to pick it up, is it a fumble?

Looks like fun, but they’re missing the greatest Nashville-area retired NFL star

if it’s anything like the Nats’ usual approach to game theory, they’ll be unable to get past the first round

I dunno, it worked for Kansas.

“That’s the first time he’s done that this year.”

Cool that the good dog joined the Nation of Islam