Excellent!

It’s only funny until someone loses an eye...then it’s hilarious.

So, I recently had a new speedometer cable installed in my old 4Runner. About a week later, I was driving on the highway when the speedometer suddenly dropped to zero. Okay, so the new cable broke. No problem, I’ll ask Siri. Here’s how that went down:
Me: “Siri, how fast am I going?”
Siri: “I’ve been wondering that…

Question to the hotel staffers: would you be more inclined to upgrade for $50? Is $20 insulting particularly if you’re staying for 5 days?

Pro tip: Don’t play with habitual cheaters.

I’m guessing that a lot of children of such people believe that this is the normal way to live. No, as a matter of fact, you don’t need a new car every three years. No, as a matter of fact, you aren’t entitled to a McMansion. Yes, as a matter of fact, buying a Starbucks actually sucks bucks out of your wallet. Yes, as…

I think I’ll open up a food market store that only sells inorganic, caged, GMO, unfair-trade, remotely-sourced meat, produce, and products loaded with real sugar and saturated fat. It’ll be wildly successful.

IMHO, this is the big problem with embedded computers. No real power switch makes these tough to use as an appliance. Of course, it’s mainly about the choice of file system. Recent ones are much more forgiving about a rapid start after a power loss.

I would probably pay good money if copy & paste defaulted to paste & match style IN EVERY APP. I will decide what the formatting should be, dammit.

“Where do I turn?”
“I just told you. You drive like crap!”
“Just tell me when to turn!”
“I swear, your mother was right about your lousy driving.”
“Do you really want to bring my mother in to this?”
“Slow down!!!”
“Quit stepping on your imaginary brake pedal.”
“I’ll do what I want, thank you.”
*screeches to a halt* “Get the…

Step 0: Learn proper English.

If you’re thinking of renting a Humvee (the original, not the watered down versions), rethink your decision. True story: when Twister was being filmed on location, one of the post-production houses thought it might be fun to rent these and drive there. Of course, they couldn’t fit everyone in the vehicle so there was…

Meh. Way back in the day, long before inkjet and cheap laser printers, before dot-matrix printers, even before daisy-wheel printers, I had a gadget called a Dynatyper. This was a box the size of the keyboard on an electric typewriter. In it were a whole bunch of small solenoids, one for each key. You stuck this thing…

Sadly, I'm old enough to remember when their ad campaign said "Made with 1/4 cleansing cream" before they changed it to "1/4 moisturizing cream." That still has me wondering what the other half is made of.

It means that the tort gravy train is once again entering the station. ALL ABOARD!!!

I prefer the term “Renaissance Man” myself.

I'd like to smack people who use phrases such as, "Let's be honest...," or, "You have to admit..." Really condescending and generally obnoxious.

What this tells me is that if you live near a major megalopolis, you're unhappy.

Betteridge's Law of headlines: