obligatory:

Best Replies in Baseball

I love you.

Paterno probably could have avoided the injury had he not been too busy looking the other way.

the Indians never quite threatened, but they constantly threatened to threaten

“I wouldn’t say I’m unattractive folks, but given that I’ve had two birds in my hand, there’s no way I’m getting one in the bush!”

Word has it you just need to comment how small his hands are.

Cubs: How’s everything going tonight?
Indians: Fine.
Cubs: Your entrees are good?
Indians: Yes, fine, thanks.
Cubs: More water?
Indians: All set, I’d just like to-
Cubs: Refresh your wine?
Indians: No, thank you, but the food is getting col-
Cubs: Care for the dessert menu?
Indians: No, please, let me eat my dinn-
Cubs: More…

i threw up so much some of it might have ended up in your mouth too

I just threw up in my mouth a little.

“This year’s”???? The AFC South is still and has always been the crappiest division in football since it was formed. Awful cities, awful teams, just the backwater of the NFL. A casual sports fan would get this list of teams confused with a list of NWSL teams.

“Our culture is filled with bars and strip clubs on every corner.”

The real mystery here isn’t how EA could make such a simple mistake, but how did Sunderland win their opening 3 games?

Burneko writing about things he knows a lot about is delightful. Burneko writing about things he knows nothing about is insufferable. I think this is true for most writers, but he really drives the point home.

I HATE having to buy a new vacuum every year or two!

Rocket McFadden is totally voting Hillary.

You’d have to have a pretty crazy reason to do something like this on purpose. Schilling’s just pointing out the obvious: the person responsible clearly had a loco motive.

Curt hasn’t been this invested in a trainwreck since 38 Studios.