The only way this fight would’ve been any better is if someone touched Beltre’s head.

Good hush puppies need a fryer. Who brings a fryer to a BBQ? Number one is clearly corn on the cob. Number two is Hellman’s back of the mayo jar recipe potato salad. And number three is your mother in law not making it because she got hit by a car.

The Donger does not approve!

Didn’t his mother come off the spaceship at the end of Close Encounters?

Yeah but if you combine the two you get Ding Dongs which are Bartolo Colon’s favorite snack cake!

he’s like 14 feet tall. like this kid here

He runs weird. Right? Or is it just me?

Stop trying to make ‘donger’ happen.

Counterpoint: Hey, I can’t hit a fastball either. Me and Tulo have a lot in common. I wonder if his dick has also stopped working

Now that he is in Canada, they are all blaming Tulo’s surgically repaired Tragically Hip.

Alternatives exist..

“What!? Scored with their heel in the box? How do I Google that?”

Didn’t this exact same thing happen last year? Or am I just experiencing some odd Deja Vu?

Once again, a black man discovers the Blues, but it’s white guys who make money off them.

BUSH DID IT

As if the 14,000 Kinja Deals I have to scroll through aren’t proof enough, Tom comes right out and admits that he is For Sale.

Heehee!

They’re losing the right way.

That’s how middle relief is done.

“What an idiot!”