It looks like he thinks deadspin is one person.

That’s an incredibly inaccurate description of Yoenis Cespedes, and a particularly uninformed one. There’s no way that applies to Cespedes. Numbers in baseball, as we know, can be misleading, and I think you're selling him short here. He’s at least 32.

Tomorrow, the Rolls?

Re: Kids crying from pain, I have great success giving an obviously non-serious injury a quick look and saying, “Well, I think we’re just going to have to chop that knee right off.” Giggles ensue, they deny my advice and life continues as it was.

the worst part of the commute is that you have to fly from JFK to Newark and then cab it to Manhattan, before hopping on the train.

That’ll be eight dollahs.

Reefontaine

She said she felt dizzy when she stood and had to be stretchered out of the hotel.

watch trading places. Dan Akroyd and Eddie Murphy have a much better take on OJ.

I think they wait until Mike Carey makes his decision and then give the opposite call. They hate him and want to make him look bad on TV.

I’d rather a game of H.O.R.S.E. than another fucking game of S.C.O.T.U.S.

Fleet Foxes definitely need to show up again one of these days . . .

Running windows on a mac is more like buying a Ford, but putting a Ferrari engine in it.

In the immmortal words of Krusty the Clown, “Turns out it ain’t comedy that’s in my blood, kid. It’s sellin’ out!”

Ted Cruz: Duck Hunt is, at least, phonetically accurate.

But here’s no Funbag today! I count on this shit—I live an empty shell of a life and now I lose the Funbag because Drew apparently can’t figure out how to write in San Franciso? For Christsakes—write the goddamnned Funbag!

Make him play minor-league baseball for a year.

Coincidentally, a teasing gone wrong is how Buckwheat originally got his signature look and a chance with the Little Rascals.