Hahahahaha. I do something to make my husband look/feel that way every day. This is the stuff that marriage is made of.

One can only hope that it is pulp free

And here I thought handprint security was the latest thing.

Those are the dumbest and grossest lyrics I’ve ever heard in my life. And uh... 2 years ago?? I WANNA SEE THE RECEIPTS!

It looked just like an office staple but thicker and bigger. It was a construction staple and, according to the dude next to me, I pulled it out of my foot “like a badass.”

Sophie seems to do ok.

My mind is now in the gutter.

Picked up some. Haven’t tried them yet because the two bottom ones did break though but I know those damn top ones are coming!

I’ve developed a kneejerk reaction to anyone described as a Baptist minister. A reaction so bad I’m bruising my face.

Jesus fucking christ. Maybe he can help Huckabee write his next book, Guns, Grits, Gravy, and Groping Grade-Schoolers

Yes. Sometimes that laughter was the only thing that kept me alive at the end of the day.

Yes. I recall once I put a stiff winter overcoat on my toddler son and sent him out to the backyard. He tripped of something and rolled over under a bush and because of the coat, could not maneuver. He rolled back and forth, flailing his little arms like a turtle on its back and I laughed so hard I peed a little. Poor…

Yes. In the top 5.

I understand I would be too. It was pure “luck”, Icould not stand the heat and I was crashing at my frenemy’s flat in Park slope [at the time I thought he was a friend]. Anyway, it was a long hot summer and I was bored and sweaty, so I went into Manhattan taking photos and selfies before they were really a thing and…

Amazing how quickly “fuck the patriarchy” turned into “Fuck this Singer sewing machine piece of shit why won’t you just surge dammit” in our house, too. I'm making a Pingu suit for my son, and if (as will inevitably happen) he tells me at some point before Hallowe'en that he now wants to be something else, I will cry…

I would immediately buy one with Sam Heughan or Tom Hiddleston on it. Like without a second thought.

Ian Somerholder is the same way. It’s not makeup or lighting. When he’s standing around real people, they all look normal and he still looks like goddamn CGI. I bet Ackles and Paladecki do, too, and Rihanna and Tricia Helfer, and the occasional random mortal you encounter on the bus or whatever. I feel attractive in…

There are SO MANY THINGS. Oh my God. So many things.

I’ve had this fantasy, but about head mucus . . .

We can call it the cunt pump.