If only tip-off was at 2:30 then they could make the game.

“...cause you’re the only ten I see that I want to assault.”

That’s amazing accuracy. I hope an MLB team signs that guy as a pitcher so he can drill batters in the dick.

I couldn’t read the entire article, I think I have ADHD.

“... professional dunker Jordan ...”

[Drake immediately buys Jordan Kilganon hat, jersey, pants, shoes]

No matter how much lifting & plyometrics I did, I could never increase my vertical enough to dunk.

He was practically Levi®tating

I feel like this is what happens if I ever try to pull off a hangnail.

“I promise I will do everything I can to help figure out a solution before the clock runs out.”

This is a dumb article. The refs clearly stated they used a stopwatch *overlay* on the monitor. This means they didn’t “hit the start button on a stopwatch” when he touched the ball. They looked at the value of the stopwatch overlay (built into the review system) from the frozen frame at the moment he touched the ball…

From If I Did It, by Kobe Bryant.

“You ... ’kay?!!!!!”

“I admire his stamina”—Rick Pitino

Sometimes I’ll drop a bit of food and it’ll roll down my chest and bounce off the couch and then come to a rest on the carpet and my muscles will twitch like I’m gonna grab it before I forget about it but then I go slack and I keep eating the quesalupa because nothing matters.

You have a supervisor for racism in your office?

It’s not nice to call Johnny a crazy woman.

So when I placed my penis inside of a hot dog bun and asked my wife if she wanted a “cock meat sandwich” I was wrong? WTF !?!?

He already added the 1 for country code.