Give a man a saw and he stabs for one day.

Lots of sexts with Helen after she finished chaperoning the high school dance.

Just look at the last THREE Chiefs coaches.

Saints fans like grabbing balls that don’t belong to them.

He explained that there is private information like players contracts, endorsement deals, and photos of his family on his phone that he wanted wiped.

They’re just coming over here to probe all our women.

Upon confirmation email, you will receive pick up/ drop off location and lotion.

He traded a signed jersey for it?

I’m all for having it be the highest percentage almonds possible. But 20% seems high. Assuming peanut butter and almond butter have a similar consistency - mix 1 tablespoon of peanut butter + 4 tablespoons of water and that doesn’t seem like it’s a milky consistency yet. It seems like runny peanut butter.

Wreck-It (Abigail) Ralph.

I agree with it not always being about the bottom line. But why can’t the state get some cut of the revenue if they are investing in this arena?

Also attending the parade:

My hot dog has a pea hole.

Don’t you currently charge your iPhone by plugging it into the universal standard wall holes for the country that you are in? Or by connecting it via USB? Apple seems to be cool with standards when it comes to electricity.

Saadface :(

Smash Mouth plays show to earn bread.

Playing for the Bears would be the best way to get fed to the Lions.

“Also, can y’all stop dropping me? It hurts.”

But do they have lots of meth for us in the meantime?

Flight Attendant: Sir, we have two choices for your meal today, would you like the rapini or the crab legs?