please.

NOOOO HOWWWW WILL I GO ONNNN?

There is not a single instance on this planet where I would not have sex with Shia, and I don’t care what that says about me because he is a gd dime piece and makes me feel weird things in my bathing suit area.

Going through the “I’m gay, but I’m not like all those twinky glittery flamboyant homosexuals” phase is difficult. It’s also the sort of thing you should outgrow by 22.

Fuck these old gay men and their masculinist bullshit. If I hear “men are supposed to be men” or “flamboyant guys give gay men a bad name” one more time I’m going to projectile vomit onto the person who says it. Watch out, old gays.

Love how her only explanation for her own incompetence is literally that the world is ending. Like, Michelle, honey, that’s not the reason you can’t keep up with your briefings.

This sort of petty in-fighting is why a man will never be president.

Thanks, but I’m just about done taking political advice from dead white guys.

As a kid I was taught they already had this. It was called Grain Belt.

Why am I not surprised that Sheryl Sandberg and Malcolm Gladwell are friends? They deserve each other.

I’m pretty sure you aren’t supposed to tell people you’re in witness protection. That’s like going into a bar and telling people you’re a spy.

be yourself in camouflage

He’s streamlining resources to ensure talent is maximized to enhance the customer experience.

I’m a Virginian and we get a lot of attention and pandering too, since we recently went blue. It’s a weird feeling. Like being that shy dorky girl who goes to the dance and takes off her glasses and she’s beautiful and everyone wants to dance with her

See, now this is why I like living in the 21st century. I read the headline but didn't notice the author and so, being a straight, middle-aged normcore kind of guy I thought I was reading a woman's post right up until the part about whether their marriage would be legal in California, then I checked and saw Mark's…

Oh man. All of the straight people on here who are like "why do you need to get married to commit to each other? It's just a piece of paper!" A piece of paper that has huge, HUGE legal benefits, a piece of paper that acts as a symbol of lifetime commitment, and piece of paper that does genuinely make it much harder to…

"But I want to get married!"

I never wanted to be married. It means nothing to me. I thought my SO felt the same way - that it's an antiquated relic that has does legitimatize a relationship.

Dear Allen: