Didja read the article, or just skip right on down here to the comments?

Cue thousands of weird nerds on the defense 

They also bought brioche buns, cheddar cheese, and marinara sauce,

No ‘used to’ about it. Pretzels absolutely use food-grade lye (easily available on the internets) to make a dip. But it’s VERY caustic stuff, and you really do want to exercise a LOT of caution working with it.

I always get a few Michigan red delicious at the farmer’s market each year. They are completely different than the huge, mealy grocery store ones.

This is one of the many fearmongering-friendly factoids you’ll read about sodium benzoate in “holistic medicine” resources,

So no more

Doritos. A visionary. My god.

Authenticity is fake. People call shit the way they’ve experienced it first the authentic way. Food isn’t meant to be in a box. If it’s delicious, it’s all that matters.

“how are crayfish and lobsters not giant bugs?”

“27 year old expat" is one of the biggest Twitter bio redflags of all-time. 

the next version of Clue is just going to be “it was the millennia in the (insert boomer outrage) room with a lack of being paid like an adult” 

As someone  that worked at Sears through college when that transition happened, I can’t star this enough.

You’re right that a lot do the full diner thing, I’d just note that diner is a stretch for a bunch of Coney Island places — there’s a lot that are basically takeout places where you order through a plexiglass shield and the menu is really limited. It’s not like the people running them or buying from them really care…

Goddamnit Kate turned her Slack notifications off for today. I am getting her on this first thing in the morning!

Atlas Shrugged: The hypocrite's other bible. 

He never sleeps, because The Truth Is Out There.

The alligator was the crane operator.

The wings that broke me were even more eager to exit. I had to gag myself to get them out of my stomach.