who the fuck eats in bed?

If you got them from a grocery store, you just bought jelly donuts. Normally I’d hit Hamtramck or Wawel and get real pączki, but the office I work in right now has a lot of folks for whom the traditional lard-containing recipe would be a real problem. so I didn’t bother. Not that I give a shit since I haven’t eaten…

Oh trust me- I went to the place I’m talking about way before Instagram existed. They’re not doing that for food porn.

Bread Basket Deli.  Detroit area.

I still want to know what he could be saying that’s so profound all those dudes need to write it all down. 

“But only 8 kinds of vodka?”

can someone explain to me why a lot of delis put so goddamned much meat on the sandwich? I went to a place once which served me something like this:

it’s also good in bhindi masala.

Does Mrs. Dash, like Molly McButter, have a first name?

But now that we know such a thing exists, Janavs is now the only person I want to talk about. I want to see the inside of her mansion; I want to know what her shampoo smells like; I want to know if she had a pony growing up, and if she did, was it named Princess Pepperoni.

There’s Taco Tuesday, but we all know we’re allowed to eat tacos whenever we damn well please. I resent Taco Tuesday for trying to limit taco consumption to a particular day of the week.

I was 1,125 miles to New Orleans, I had a full bag of flour, a half a pack of sausage, it was dark, and I was wearing sunglasses. I was on a mission from God.

At some point, repeatedly bailing someone out of their bad decisions turns into enabling.

No, I’d rather just eat better pizza than that greasy, floppy shit.

what the everloving hell is wrong with gamers?

well, they’re not wrong. He’s basically a 14-year-old boy (the very definition of a “big dumb idiot”) in an adult man’s body. All he can do is talk about his girlfriend, his dick, and can’t stop laughing at his own lame, unfunny “jokes” like he’s just the most clever motherfucker ever.

or if you’re like me you don’t bother with that floppy shit and get a slice of a decent kind of pizza instead.

yes.  which makes the whole thing incredibly sad.