A cab driver almost hit me on my bike two years ago when I had to swerve to avoid a pedestrian who stepped into the bike lane on Bleecker. He also honked his horn. The press never reported anything about it.

Not a single fucking mention of the Bowling Green Massacre!

This is never not true. It doesn’t even matter what the Facebook post is. It could be some random person’s dinner picture, and there would be a comment saying, “teh sauce on ur spaghetti looks like the blood of Obummer’s aborted fetuses librul murderer”

But if we don’t punish people, how can I feel morally superior?!?

This is why we watch sports. These moments of pure joy summoned from the almost impossible artistry being conducted on the field. In moments like this, we can forget the drudgery of being an international super model, we can ignore the pulsing anxiety node in our brain that says hey you have to email the crown prince…

Umm...when you use all caps, the proper spelling is “FOOTBAW.”

I once pooped into Dan Shaughnessy’s typewriter and somehow it magically produced that putrid Francona book. He can’t be stopped.

No beer is bad beer.

Drew I am a lifelong Patriots fan and I do not know who or what to root for.

I’m right there with you about how crappy this Sunday’s gonna be. Putting aside the fact that I’m stuck with one of the worst workers in the company as my only backup before the game, all this shit going on with Trump... do the people who are rushing through nominations without proper vetting and banning people from…

1. Excellent summary of fatherhood in a nutshell.

Wow, that summed up a lot of how I’ve been feeling about the country. It’s hard not to look at all that imagery and not think of hypocrites that want you to not criticize the president because AMERICA while they were calling for the last one’s birth certificate because he was a dirty Muslim just a month ago.

I was not giving this Super Bowl the slightest thought and didn’t have any reason to root for either team until I read that fucking Shaugnessy piece and now I hope Atlanta dumpsters them by 8 touchdowns and Shank hangs himself from The Green Monster in despair and embarrassment.

Drew, there is absolutely nothing festive about the possibility, nay likelihood, of GrumbleLord & MAGA-Hat Model winning yet another Lombardi. Pretty much the only saving grace about this game (and the reason why it isn’t the *absolute* darkest Super Bowl) is that Dallas isn’t in it.

Toil away in your misery and feel…

David Eckstein would drink Murree’s warm. And then foul off 67 pitches to draw a walk with two outs in the fifth inning. Because scrappy. 

You know, I sometimes wonder a bit about what your kids will think of your writing when they’re 18, 28, 38, etc. I think when they come across (or you point them to) the top of this jamboroo, you’re going to get a huge fucking hug. I think there’s something really powerful here.

A few weeks ago, my extremely moody and snotty-ass 13-year-old was giving me the usual bullshit as I was asking her to put on her seatbelt (all the while, refusing to put on her seatbelt). I was just wrecked from everything, my job, the election, you name it, and I leaned over and screamed, “Put on your mother-fucking…

This is the first year in forever I haven’t made plans. The wife has no interest unless the Bears are in it and would rather me leave the house than deprive the kids of the good TV when she’s about done with the weekend of togetherness.

So, with her blessing, I go with a buddy or two to a sports bar. Haven’t called or…

The admission that all this shit that’s been going on these past few weeks caused you to snap and cry to your daughter was a bold one to make, and I appreciate it, for some reason. Good sports column man.

“I want America to wake up in a fevered sweat and realize what it’s done and rush to un-fuck everything before it’s too late, if it isn’t already.”