“Buddy” is also the highest level of dad trouble. Mom trouble tops out at the full name, including middle: “Drew Fulgensio Magary, you get in this house right now!”

Just Like Your Girlfriend, Ciara Is Having Sex

“I grew up in a wealthy suburb of Washington, D.C., in a house with 18 rooms, a big backyard and half a block from one of the best public high schools in the country. We weren’t rich, but we were definitely comfortably middle class.”

The Deadspin Staff wouldn’t put themselves on the list.

Welcome home, Phil

I like to think Hinkie complained the loudest, as it infringed on his #PooPootoPA slogan.

To which the Marines say “why do we even have an army anymore”

I mean, Kit Kats are fine. But they are not the best chocolate bar. There’s nothing wrong with the Kit Kat. I view it as the replacement-level bar. You can win championships with a few Kit Kats around. They’re dependable. You know what you’re going to get. They’re not glorybars.

I had sex with my date in the backseat of my jeep cherokee while my best friend Paul drove it home. He was alone as his date had bailed on him to go to some party at Rick’s house...Rick was a cool guy soccer player. I brought this up very often over the remainder of our time in high school.

Luke Ridnour was inexplicably amazing for me in NBA Live 2005 for Game Cube, and I will always be grateful to him for that.

Wow, definitely his greatest burn since “The lord must really have it in for that little boy” in BASEketball.

I think a LOT of bears are going to have a good time this weekend.

I’m not saying they’re the same person, but I’ve never seen that woman and Rajon Rondo in the same room at the same time.

If there’s two things we know about Michael Jordan, it’s that he likes to gamble and is bad at it.

They're actually going to take Connor McDavid.

At the NFL awards, it’s the wives and girlfriends that are missing teeth.

Don’t you think it’s a bit presumptuous to assume Mike Lupica reads Deadspin?

That boy was quickly traded to Texas for a case of Cherry Skoal and Julio Franco.