If zombies were under water, wouldn't the fish nibble on them?

That was funny as hell. I immediately thought I'd see that gif here.

"think about hitting people in the head with a hammer and then running away. "

"think about hitting people in the head with a hammer and then running away. "

Or any of those white-haired assholes from Texas, including Barbara Bush.

I took off my helmet and threw it in the middle of reading this.

I thought it was funny how after showering the owner of the 49ers with syrupy praise, they mentioned that he was ousted because of fraud.

Microwaves should have a wired cap that makes you lose consciousness while the microwave is on. Food prep would seem instantaneous!

This is the same backstory as Uncle Tom's Cabin.

It's not the wealth, it's the inequity. "Happiness is insensitivity." — Tennessee Williams.

It made me wish I'd named my son Cerius Lee.

They'd throw a flag for taunting.

I'd say this is the first selfie: http://www.common-place.org/vol-04/no-01/l…

If I were a Pats fan, I'd be totally pissed about the call. If I were a Panther fan, I'd be totally pissed if the flag had stood.

I noticed that the ESPN announcers couldn't be bothered to pay attention to the game.

I hate when fans boo, especially home team players, but you probably heard me booing from my couch when Weeden came out.

I hate when fans boo, especially home team players, but you probably heard me booing from my couch when Weeden came out.

If you had superpower #5, there would be no occassion to use #1-4.

It seemed that the refs were especially horrible today — a lot of ticky-tacky roughness calls and half a dozen bad no-calls. Ugh.

I like shouting "Go, go Mingo!" on every Browns defensive play. (I miss yelling, "Whatchu talkin' bout, Willis!")