“Like, don’t let Coke be stronger than you.”

To be fair it is still a dangerous substance that can cause real health problems to people so it’s understandable that authorities would want to investigate and punish people for its use.

The scouts’ first idea to “throw coach Pete Carroll off a bit” was to have Metcalf tell him that jet fuel can melt steel beams.

Please settle a debate: Is Back to the Future a sci-fi movie?

How does this not have more stars?  Subtle and effective 

Good to see Elin Nordegren has joined the Deadspin community!

In the future, when you wonder why everyone you know seems like they’re avoiding you, this is why.

Your life is so fucking sad that I get a charity tax cut just for fucking writing back to you.

Or the economy crashed because he stopped winning Majors.

Think about it.

/A tradition unlike any other. Dammit

To celebrate, I’m buying as much cocaine and as many hookers as I can. As is tradition.

He also just won a big golf tournament.

Jim Nantz was doing his best to get El Tigre to cry. “Just tell us how it feels. And I mean how it really feels. Deep down in your soul. Think of your kids. And your deceased father. How does it feel? Just tell us."

This is good advice in general. 

That was the most fun I’ve had watching golf since...uhh...

You forgot to mention he’s been on the Pirates his whole career.

Because this is Australia, I bet they’re also venomous.

Foster care? Well of course they are out of control.

They’re 9..... Just pick’em up off the car and toss’em into a pond, or a bush. It’s Australia, that would totally fly. The children are the descendants of convicts, let the wildlife of Australia have them. Drop’em in a ponder or river, Salt Water Crocs and bull sharks baby. The bush? Well, get ready for a Brown or…

It’s nice to know that the pleasant experience of shopping at a Westfield Mall is an intercontinental one.