Emmy Rossum makes me want to take a nap.

With their twee styles and weird, short-waisted sizing, they kinda already have one.

Somewhere in the Northwest, Ben Gibbard is writing a bummer of a song about this...but he was gonna write a bummer of a song anyway, he just has a topic now.

Well, my now husband and were having pizza one afternoon. After we were done eating, one thing lead to another and I starting giving him a good ol BJ. I was horny, so was he, so I got on top and started riding away, enjoying ourselves. Then I felt a slight burning sensation. I was like, oh whatever, it'll go away.…

I went to see Guardians of the Galaxy with my husband. The first time Chris Pratt was on screen without his shirt, I was like, "Damn Chris Pratt!" My husband turned to me, looked back at the screen and said, "Yeah, I guess I can't argue with you. That is an attractive man."

I'll have you know I drive like 15 miles to work. FIFTEEN.

Most of the Violets have the same middle name too! It's weird how "originality" works.

Of course Blake is a Downton fan...

The solution is for everybody to be named a randomized 10-digit number that is generated by a centralized organization & never reused. That is the only way to be sure your name is truly unique.

OMFG that is insane. She named her kid after the kid of someone she had an affair with? I believe this, because I don't like Blake.

WAIT! Weren't there rumors of a Blake/Ben hookup? If so, that it twisted and Jennifer Garner has every right to put her on level 10 blast.

Christ, how many Taco Bell ads do we need?

I'm 99% sure.

I am 98% sure.

Damn, and the dog is even black. :(

This is some kind of metaphor for the GOP's attitude towards the poor, I'm 95% sure of it

Hopefully the coach will be a little more specific in the future when he calls for the runs.

Dang. I haven't seen a face look that guilty since I ate the last piece of banana nut loaf and blamed it on the cat!

Cabalanoo, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God…