One-sided sex is not good sex. I never understand this idea of making your partner do things to please you all the time, without any talk about how far reciprocation goes. You know when I want to give a blow job? WHEN I AM AROUSED AND EXCITED. You know when I am aroused and excited? WHEN MY PARTNER IS DOING THINGS TO…

Because if the sex you two are having is bad, it's DEFINITELY her fault. There's no way it could be the guy. Guys are NEVER wrong or bad in bed. It's all that feminism.

DO NOT drink out of the champagne fountain at the reception.

Someone one needs to pitch a reality show where John Rocker has to survive 30 days on the 7 train to win a million dollars.

That guy used to be in the awesome soap opera Passions. http://soaps.sheknows.com/passions/cast/…

Mine is the one who makes fire. He kindled a blaze. IN MY HEART.

You dangle participles. You strand prepositions.

Like a cyclops with two extra eyes

Told Kelly this on Twitter, reiterating it here. This gif is basically a perfect re-enactment of my girlfriend's face when Claire said "take off your shirt":

What's even more shocking is she's actually half-black, half-Latino, according to her Twitter profile.

The best part about moving from NYC to LA was getting my car back. No more waiting until home to get the bra off after work. Just had to get to the work parking lot and I was liberated!

Dude In my car that shit comes off! I'm careful not to flash anyone!

Fund a female. Not woman. Female. I fund a female cat. We met on Whiskr.

intensive purposes

Intensive purposes?! Hahahahahaha. INTENTS AND PURPOSES. Why is this so hilarious to me? I see how if you don't read much but have heard the expression you could have thought that but still hahahahahha. Intensive purposes.

"You play for Vanderbilt, abusive hugger. You know what it's like to feel embarrassed on a football field."

(How has no one posted this gif yet?!)

How about this little guy?