I need to pay more attention to "Jon" versus "John." I was like, Kanye West INVENTED EPIDEMIOLOGY???!!!

Another point to the final letter writer- I live in the city, and the people who have moved from here to the burbs are generally looking for a change in lifestyle. Which means I probably don't have as much in common with them as I used to. Sad but true. Are there friends I'd make the effort for? Absolutely. But we'd…

No. That is incorrect.

Ditto that. Oral sex has never been so unappealing. Just ... shudder.

BRILLIANT. I am cheersing my vodka tonic in your direction right now. Happy fucking Wednesday, hags!

I would never dream of questioning the validity of a beauty study conducted by a company that sells beauty products.

Right!? No one's like, "Hey, let's ROCK THE SHIT OUT OF THIS TUESDAY DINNER TIME."

Entirely possible. I do, in fact, love my job and generally look forward to going and all that. But I really love me some weekend times with my lady friends.

I'm just going to assume that St. Tropez skin experts have non-traditional work schedules.

We're probably friends?

Did you see Butter? Definitely too far into the satirical/Tracy Flick vein for the Amy character, but it once again showcased Garner as the perfect(-looking) housewife.

Friday isn't my favorite day because I had sex on Thursday. Friday is my favorite day BECAUSE IT'S FRIDAY.

I think Jennifer Garner could do scheming type-A just fine, but I pictured someone with sharper, finer bone structure. Like ... a younger Amy Ryan or a younger Ellen Barkin. Like January Jones, if she had the acting chops.

And then I went out to rent Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.

It's so dull and lame and predictable. But then, such is Facebook.

Really? REALLY? But seriously, to quote Amy Poehler, REALLY????? It's like I don't even know you anymore, Jez.

The more reliable gossip is that she's dating some Jason dude from Zero Dark Thirty. I read far, far too much gossip.

I triple dog dare her to fuck with Tina Fey. Because Tina Fey would eat her for lunch and wouldn't even get any gross TSwift-tasting burps afterwards.

Oh, I agree, I just felt like be indignant for a bit.

I feel like fucking Ben would be tacit approval of his dalliance with Blake Lively, and Clooney would be the type of weird (read: kinky) that I'd want to experience once. And I already know what Jon Hamm is packing, and I am TOTALLY OK with it, so I would happily hit that til death do us part.