Easy peasy. Fuck Clooney, marry the Hamm Dong, and kill Affleck.

Is there really a general misunderstanding on the second point? Like, see all of American history, from Sally Hemings to Invisible Man to some of the finest specimens of the modern Republican party.

After a little cyber stalking, my big takeaway is OMFG someone born in the 90s is capable of having been in, been out of, and been back in significant adult relationships.

I was SO SURE it was Zac Efron in that top pic. Way to go, central casting ://////

I am reading this more than a month after it was posted, but it is THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER READ. Suck my heathen balls, Notre Dame.

At this point, damn, I'll take my Commodores over ND.

Quite popular in ye olde Roman times. And then as now, yes, it reeked of privilege, conspicuous excess, and wastefulness. But I guess that was the point.

One of my favorite things about 500 Days of Summer is that the second half of the movie just pokes holes are through the MPDG ideal. And I really like that she started out as an MPDG in New Girl, but has since become a whole lot more than a character off of which men can project their dreams and aspirations and…

I got good and drunk during the day yesterday (wheeeee bowl games), and was feeling pretty fucking hungover by midnight. I had a lot of diet coke at the bar and tried to dance away my headache.

I find him charming. I also watch a lot of Parenthood. He's grown on me since Idiocracy.

Oh, snap! I love it when the subject of the article makes an appearance in the comments!

I feel confident that I would never be friends with the kind of people who feel the need to publicly announce how ethical their (for public consumption) food is. Thanks be.

Hahaha, strange troll, thank you. I have an intense fear of flying (like, sobbing the entire flight out of sheer terror kind of fear), and I will do whatever is within my capabilities to make the experience less hellacious. There are plenty of things I will forego for first class, and I, too, love it soooooooo much.

Thanks for clarifying and happy holidays, pumpkin! You seem like a dear. I suppose I should have specified that "angling for first on/first off" and paying for business class are one and the same, so no, I don't shove and I don't bother standing up until folks are moving. Oh, and I fucking love being taller than…

I am forever jealous of people who are short enough to comfortably rest on your tray table. I'm a mouth-wide-open kind of sleeper, but I absolutely do not think flying is neat, and you better believe I'm angling for first on/first off position. Whenever feasible, I pay for business or first class, because flying coach…

I really want that to be Larry David in the background. And I want some fucking grumpy commentary from him on this whole situation.

Damn. That's some shit. I would like to thank my little sister for being my best, most wonderful friend from the get-go.

I HOPE SO.

This is what I've found works the best.

Drama/Chorus/Musical folks were MY HELLISH NIGHTMARE in high school. There is not ever a cause for singing show tunes in the hallways between class. Ever. Just, never ever. Or a need to be wildly dramatic in the lunch room. Do you think you're going to get discovered by the wrap station? Or in the hot food line?…