I wish I had never seen that. I don't want to picture Abed as a well adjusted dad who wears periwinkle chinos.

So it could be like Legends of the Hidden Temple with death on the line? I'll start training now.

Those un-punctual bastards.

I was going to say, were the Mayans at all aware of time zones? I also don't know all that much about Mayan religion, so I'm wondering which god/s are responsible for the fireballs and whatnot? Or has it all been subsumed into Judeo-Christian endtimes scenarios? So many questions.

While I absolutely do not think the world is going to end on Friday (I will be on a plane, the lights better not fucking go out), sex regret might be high up there on my regret list. I mean, I spend as much time as possible with my family, I do my best to be a great friend, I love my job, my favorite hobby, running,…

I just tried to like this comment. I failed, but the sentiment remains.

You guys, you guys. Matthew means (lowers voice to an absurdly obvious whisper, motions with hands) S-E-X.

Same. He looks young and small. Not my cup of tea. Then again, I have described my cup of tea as looking a lot like a lumberjack, so to each their own.

I really thought the header photo was of Ron Swanson dishing out some truth to a few adrift Pawneeans, and I was like, "Eh, that's one person from whom I would happily take unsolicited advice." But it's not. It's just some dickhead with a mustache trying to be the boss of me.

I was going to say, the times I've gotten food poisoning, it's been from under-prepared meat and improper food storage. Not once from that chip that hit the ground for half a second. Plus, I myself am probably covered in germs, so unless I plan to stop using my hands as a method of food intake and regularly sterilize…

How did they know? I mean, obviously, the Secret Service has Secret means of gathering information, but seriously, were they tracking this frat's list-serve? Or do they have, like, an RSS feed of threatening language on all major email servers? Actually, that makes sense. Nevermind.

I believed for far, far too long. I just really wanted to believe. Anyway, I was 10 or so, and my sister had lost a tooth. My mom realized she was out of cash long after my sister and I had gone to bed, so she came into my room and asked if I had a couple of dollars she could borrow to put under my sister's pillow. I…

Isn't that exactly what happened? Or am I mis-remembering? I was a kid at the time and missed a lot of the euphemisms.

At this point, it seems like it's the go-to stop for celebs filming in Atlanta. When I was there a couple months ago, Jack Black popped in and started tending bar.

I love Atlanta so much. The last time I was at Clermont, Little Bo Peep told me that if I run into hard times, she'd be happy to put in a word for me with the boss folks. So I got that going for me.

That's why you go on weekdays after way too many shots at The Local. The Buckhead/frat crowd is really only there on the weekends.

She didn't mention her lapdance from Blondie? Blondie is a fucking legend.

So they're like Vineyard Vines, except accessible to a liberal?

I actually try to avoid the booze (and I say this as someone who FUCKING LOVES BOOZE). Without fail, my racist, conservative uncle gets drunk and drills me about my beliefs, the Democratic party, entitlements, my job (I work in policy with a bunch of lib'ruls), and so on and so forth. He usually peppers the…

I actually did leave a scarf behind after a recent one-night stand, but there's no way I'm going back for that shit. It was my favorite scarf, but I'd rather buy a new scarf than meet up for a scarf exchange. Sometimes it really is an accident.