Man, we’ve really got to figure out a way to give Tom Brady’s kids mono. 

He should have a grilled cheese to dip into that tomato soup, but don’t you dare use mayo...this is Drew’s son we’re talking about

It’s like the time they accidentally banned A.J. Mccarron from the stadium because they can’t do paperwork.

I’m not sure I’d want to see Intergluteal Cleft opening for anyone.

Jesus!  He’s got a head like a mascot.

I feel like there is a direct correlation between the girth of one’s head and neck and their propensity to date rape.

Do we count the tumor?

“Every story deserves a happy ending.”

Gus Johnson would have gone into tongues.

Jim Irsay would probably sign the desiccated corpse of Johnny Unitas before Kaepernick, and most of the fan base would nod and agree with the decision.

Vinny Testaverde waits by the rotary phone.

I truly hope that the Royals can now break through the unofficially acknowledged barrier to advancement that has been limiting them with their old owner. Hopefully some old columnist will come up with a term to describe it.

“Of course he didn’t know that would happen. We’re shocked that people think Bill Belichick could somehow see into the future.”

Not afflicted with the small bone?  Nick Foles. 

A lot of people can’t handle witnessing the truth. 

Thank him for his service.

Better than the other hat in his locker.

The Bears became the first NFL team to bring in TrackMan, a ball-tracking radar system used in golf and baseball, to monitor ball speed, rotation speed, kick apex, distance traveled, and launch angle.

  Elway is a kicker?

That kid's name? Lance Armstrong.